Bob Marley and Love

You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before and she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.

Bob Marley

I love this quote.

Sometimes I think people put too much emphasis on finding "the one" when they fall in love. Me? Not so much. I've been in love a few times, and I enjoy being in love. One day it might lead me to "the one", if something like that exists, but until I get to that point, why not just enjoy the feeling of being in love? I look at relationships this way: You meet someone, you get to know them, you enjoy spending time with them, you start a relationship with them (whether or not you inform the rest of the world about this is completely up to you and the other person, believe me, the relationship can work regardless of whether you change your relationship status on Facebook), you potentially fall in love with that person (if/where this occurs in the process just depends on the person), you become closer with that person, things are amazing, and you move on from there. Sometimes moving on from there means a happily ever after. Sometimes moving on from there means a few more weeks/months of happiness, followed by the fallout, followed by the relationship ending.

Sometimes relationships aren't meant to last forever. We all need to accept that fact. Okay, you're probably thinking I've never had a relationship last for more than a few weeks. Wrong. My first relationship lasted 3 years. That one was followed by a string of shorter relationships (9 months, 2 months, and 8 months and counting) which were, to me anyway, just as meaningful as the first. But I never went in to any of those thinking that "Wow, this could be the one!" I'm too young for that. I'm not ready for that kind of commitment. Some people are. In one of my previous relationships, the guy I was dating was very set on the future. He had our entire lives planned out, from the engagement ring to our future home and pet. At first it was fun, talking about a future together, but once he started to see it as more of a reality than a "what if" scenario, I immediately felt the urge to bolt. I wasn't ready to make that step, take it to the next level, define the rest of my life around one person. I was a freshman in college and I wasn't ready for that.

We broke up a few months later, for many reasons including that one. It's not that I couldn't see myself with him for the rest of my life at that moment (although later I realized that it would have never worked in the long run, we just have far too many differences in ideals and life goals and more things than I care to explain), it was just that I couldn't see myself with ANYONE for the rest of my life at that time. I still don't know if I can. I don't take the topic of marriage lightly. My parents are divorced, a lot of my family has been divorced, and I personally don't want to add to that number. If I ever do get married, I want to be ready for it, and I want it to be with the right person. But until I'm ready to settle down (say, maybe after residency, MAYBE ) I don't see any problem with dating, with falling in love. I disagree with people who say that they only want to fall in love once--with the person they will end up marrying. It's a lovely notion, but is it realistic? For me, it's not.

To me, being in a relationship and falling in love with another person is not about making the end result marriage. To me, relationships are about making yourself vulnerable and allowing someone else to be a part of your life and to share in the intimate details of yourself that you're afraid to show to the rest of the world. Being in love is being vulnerable. But even though you're vulnerable, you gain more from the experience of being in love (and even from heartbreak) than you could ever gain from anything else. Love is one of those rare things that can lift you to the highest points of your life, and with a single swift motion bring you down lower than you ever thought you could be. Love is about vulnerability. Love is about the experience. Love is about...love.

As always,

Lex

Even if you know the end is coming soon, even if you knew it would come to this all along, it still doesn't make having to say goodbye any easier.

I'm kind of dreading it to be honest.

I know it's the best for everyone, including myself, but I'm pretty sure it's going to hurt more than I anticipated.

Field of Flowers

So today I was able to cross something off of my Bucket List.

I went on a Jeep ride with two of my best friends, and even though the scenery was just suburbia with some farmland mixed in, we found a field filled with tall yellow flowers. I have no idea what kind they were or what they were precursors to or if they served any other purpose than to just be tall and yellow and gorgeous. So we stopped the Jeep, and plunged into a world of yellow petals, greenery, and bumblebees.

I'll say it. We frolicked through the field of flowers.

And it was absolutely incredible.

One of my friends said to me, "I bet you wish you had your camera". And I really didn't. The moment was too amazing to be put into a frame. A camera could have not captured the vast expanse of the yellow field while still capturing moments like my other friend getting so excited about finding a ladybug. As much as I love photography, sometimes a photo or a look through a viewfinder just doesn't do the moment justice.

Sometimes you just have to experience it for yourself.

And sometimes, you need to cross things off of your Bucket List on a whim, like finding and random field of yellow flowers and running through it with two of your best friends. And those are the moments you'll always remember.

As always,

Lex